A Walk In The Sunlight

It’s 8am, I’m alone in the office.  I’m frustrated by my inability to finish this homework.  I’m lonely, upset over the hole in my life.  My body feels strained by the lack of workouts last week.  All of this leads to anger, rage, sadness, frustration and a whole host of other negative emotions.  What do I do?  I put on the iPod and head outside.  Sunlight and music, my new found friends.

They’re there when I’m sad and they’re there when I’m tired.  They wake me from my stupor and cheer me up from my depression.  The warm sunlight feels so great on my face and the wonderful sounds of powerful music emanate from the headphones and keep me company as I walk.  It’s like an escape from all that is bothering me.  I take the first step down the path, listen to the first song and I’m lost in wonder.  My thoughts race every which way as I lose myself in dreams, hopes and aspirations.  The problems I face seem smaller somehow when I’m faced with the grandeur of the outdoors and my energy level perks up with the music.  The emptiness inside is filled with warmth and the solutions to my issues dance in front of me.

I arrive back feeling refreshed and renewed.  My problems are still there but I feel more ready to face them now.  The walk gave me a break which my body and mind sorely needed.  I don’t feel tired now.  I feel full of energy, ready to face anything which might come my way.  All the ideas I had during the walk flutter about me, waiting for me to write them down and start working.  Even better, my body feels good now that it’s had a chance to stretch out and get some sunlight.  I no longer feel cramped and alone.

And the cycle is broken.  The emotions get better as I work on my problems.  The urge to do something stupid fades away as I focus my new found energy on implementing my ideas.  The need to drown my sorrows in caffeine and sugar fades away.

Banishing Darkness From The Light

There’s an old Israeli song, typically sung on Hanukkah which was a favorite of mine when I was a small child.  The chorus involves all the singer stamping their feet to the repeated singing of “go away darkness, go away before the light”.  That always made me feel better as a small boy, especially since I was afraid of the dark.

There’s a part of me that remembers that song now and understands it as that little boy did not.  There’s something scary about that darkness, about not knowing what’s in front of you and we tend to want to fill that darkness with familiar and comfortable things.  And so we eat “comfort” foods.  Things like ice cream and chocolate and fried dishes.  Food that makes us feel loved and appreciated, perhaps because it reminds us of better days or perhaps because it stimulates our bodies in ways that mimic happiness.  Whatever the reason, there’s a better way.

Sunlight and music, combined with walking.  A magical combination that’s better than any amount of fried foods and ice cream.  This is just one way which I’ve found to cope with stress.  Just one way which doesn’t involve overeating or doing something destructive.  There are many others.  I’ve also found that conversation is a far better coping technique than binge eating.  Find a good friend and talk.  Trust me on that one.

There’s More

I look at this post and compare it to the one from last week and I can see how much I’ve changed over the past few years.  I’m encouraged.  The problems are still there, some old and some new.  Some issues have been resolved and some new ones have emerged.  Overall though, I cope with my issues in a healthier and less damaging way.

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For those who are curious, I highly recommend the music of Rob Dougan for times like these.  Great sounds perfect to sooth your mind and body.

Self Medicating With Food - AKA, Emotional Eating

It’s 8pm, I’m alone in the office.  I’m frustrated by my inability to get our software product to do what it should.  I’m lonely, upset over a recent breakup.  I’m tired, suffering from lack of sleep due to a cold.  All of this leads to anger, rage, sadness, frustration and a whole host of other negative emotions.  What do I do?  I reach for the candy and caffeine.  The two things I am trying most to avoid are my friends when I’m in need.

They’re there when I’m sad and they’re there when I’m tired.  They wake me from my stupor and cheer me up from my depression.  The cold Coke Zero feels so wonderful on my tongue and the sweet sensation of the chocolate is like an escape from all that is bothering me.  I chow down on the first piece of chocolate and then the second and the third, each one giving me a brief moment of joy followed by the return of the feelings of loss.  I drink one can of coke and feel uplifted, energetic.  I drink another and feel even happier.  With the coke, the buzz lasts longer but even there it fails and on the ride back home I’m more depressed and alone than I ever was.

Worse, now I’m guilty over binge eating.  I beat myself up for giving up on my goals.  I question my will power and my resolve and this all feeds into my depression and feelings of anger and frustration.  Of course I failed at work, of course I’m sick, of course she broke up with me.  Look at me, I can’t even control my own hunger.  Who would love such a man?  How can such a man be successful at work?  How can such a man be healthy?

And the cycle repeats.  The emotions get worse.  The urge to eat gets stronger.  The need to feel better, if only for a second, if only for a minute more while I eat that candy or while I fly high on that caffeine.  I need it now more than ever, because I know that for a brief second, a brief glorious second, it will all go away and I’ll feel good.  I’ll feel cheerful and happy while the sugar and caffeine course through my veins and trigger hormonal responses.  I know I’ll crash again but that’s in the future.  I need my fix and I need it now.

Addiction

If that sounds like the account of an addict, that’s because it is.  Emotional eating is in many ways similar to a drug addiction.  It is the consumption of stimulants (usually sugar and / or caffeine) to trigger chemical changes in the body which simulate although are not quite the same as happiness.  We’re sad and therefore we eat.  We don’t deal with the issues that make us sad and we may in fact be making them worse, but the food allows us to feel happy for just that brief second, that wonderful moment when all else disappears.

I suppose that on a small enough scale, emotional eating isn’t a bad thing.  If once a year you break down on the anniversary of a loved ones’ death and eat a favorite dish, that’s one thing and no one will ever begrudge you that.  Unfortunately, many of us, myself included, use emotional eating as a crutch for every day life.

• Feel tired in the morning?  Grab a muffin and a coffee.
• Falling asleep at work in the afternoon?  Grab a coke or some cereal.
• Tired and frustrated by your social life?  Go for that gallon tub of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food.
• Annoyed by your coworkers?  Walk to the kitchen and grab some of that free cereal.
• Want to avoid work you hate?  Go out for a snack.

We all do it and some of us do it quite a bit.  I used to do this all the time, quite literally.  Since there was a period of my life when life essentially “sucked”, or so it seemed like to me, I would eat junk food all the time.  I’ve improved quite a bit since then but there are occasions when I still find myself self medicating my depression away.  Except that, in terms of medication, emotional eating is a very poor one.  It doesn’t solve the problem.  In fact, it usually makes it worse.

A Better Option

What worked for me?  A few things, and keep in mind that I still have issues with emotional eating sometimes, so any suggestions would help.

• Keep temptation away - Can’t emotionally eat that bucket of ice cream if it’s not at home and, if you’re tired and depressed, you’re unlikely to go out and buy one.  Make sure junk food is not conveniently located.
• Solve your problems - There are a million and one ways to solve most problems, even the big ones.  Instead of eating, focus on those things that make you unhappy and come up with ways to resolve them.
• Find a new outlet - For me, this was walking.  When I feel annoyed and frustrated, I try to take a walk.  I usually come back feeling much better and I’m less likely to eat.
• Keep a reminder of the good things near - For me, it’s a picture of my puppy.  The same one you can see in this post.  Looking at her makes me smile.  It makes me happier and that eliminates some of the need to emotionally eat.
• Talk to a therapist - Yah, I know, therapist?!?!  What, am I crazy or something?  There’s nothing wrong with me!  I mean, sure, I’m depressed and so I eat which makes me even more depressed so clearly I’m doing self destructive things but there’s NOTHING wrong with me.  Well, maybe there isn’t, in which case you’ll waste a few bucks.  Then again, who knows, maybe it can help.

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The best solution to emotional eating is to solve the problem that’s causing the bad emotions.  I’m no expert at this but I have been making progress with my own issues.  Sometimes it’s as easy as writing them down and then writing down what, if anything you can do about them.  Try it and see if it works.  At the very least this little exercise will keep you from reaching for the chocolate