Apr

30

United we stand; how to talk to your partner about getting fit

Filed Under Eating Healthy, Exercise, Motivation | Leave a Comment

Thisentryis part 1 of 5 in the series SERIES - United we stand

This week we’re going to be talking about communicating your fitness and health goals with those around you.  There’s no question that the people around us impact every aspect of our lives.  Our friends, family and loved ones are the social fabric that we build our lives around.  They’re also very important when it comes to health since they help us decide what to eat, when to eat, how to be active, when to be active and how we feel about ourselves and our bodies.  To put it plainly, you’re not going to be successful in your health goals without good communication with those around you.  Today, we’re going to start with that most important person of all, your partner.  I’m going to be using my fiance as an example but this applies to boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives or any other domestic partner you might have.

No Surprises 

First of all, forget about the surprise diet.  I know we all want to surprise our partners with our new bodies, but that’s just not realistic.  Getting healthy is a long term process.  It’s not something you can do for three weeks without anyone noticing and then just pop off your clothes and show off the new bikini.  Your partner will notice and they’ll be curious as to what you’re doing.  So before you start on any major life changes, talk to your partner.  Make sure they understand why you’re doing this and how you plan going about it.  There’s nothing wrong with trying to get healthier.

Information Collection

Another reason to talk to your partner is because they can tell you things about yourself you might have missed.  People have the oddest eating habits and sometimes they don’t even realize it.  Your partner might have noticed things that you never realized you did.  Your partner also spends a large portion of their time thinking about what you like, so they might have ideas for combining physical activity into your routine.  One of the best examples of this from my own experience was snoring.  I never realized I had a problem with snoring.  My fiance did, and because of her I was able to start addressing the problem.  Now I sleep better at night which helps me achieve my health goals.

Motivation and Moral Support

Your partner is also one of the best sources for motivation and moral support.  We do so much simply because we enjoy seeing our partner happy.  Health could be one of those things.  Talking to your partner could provide you with the motivation you need to start and keep improving your life.  They’ll notice the little things you’re doing.  They’ll notice when you lose weight or gain muscle.  They’ll notice when you take them out dancing rather than just sit at home watching the TV.  Just like you encourage them, they’ll encourage you.

Active Participation

Here’s the hard part.  Do you ask your partner to actively participate in your health plan?  There are some things that your partner might have to change.  For example, eating habits.  If you live with your partner and are trying to eat healthier, they might need to change too.  It’s almost impossible to eat healthy if your partner keeps ordering pizza and bringing McDonalds home.  You don’t need to have the exact same diets, but you do both need to have the same level of healthy eating habits.  I’m a vegetarian but my fiance is not.  Seems bad but it really isn’t because we both enjoy the same healthy habits.  Neither of us eats fast food and we both stay away from most snacks.  So even though she eats meat and I don’t, it’s not really an issue.  So yes, your partner might have to change their eating habits.

Also, it’s really nice to be physically active together.  Hiking, dancing, even working out at the gym, these are all things you can do with your partner.  Spending an evening together?  How about you both go out for a walk.  Going out to do something?  How about dancing instead of a movie.  Spending the weekend together?  How about a hike.  You’ll be healthier and your relationship will be stronger.  By the way, there’s no reason why going to the gym can’t be an activity you do with your partner.  The myth about male and female workouts being different is utter crap.  Women aren’t going to develop bulging muscles just because they work out with a guy and guys are not going to spend all day on the thigh master just because they work out with a woman.

That said, there are some thing you will not do together.  My fiance has a back injury, so she doesn’t work out with me.  I don’t know how to ride horses, so I don’t go with her when she goes horse back riding.  This is fine.  You’re not expected to spend 100% of every waking day with your partner.  You’re going to have different interests and there will be some things you’re not going to do together.

Summary

Get your partner on board before you start making changes to your life.  They’re an invaluable source of information and support.  Plus any change you make to your life is bound to affect them. 


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May

1

United we stand; family health plans

Filed Under Communication, Motivation | Leave a Comment

Thisentryis part 2 of 5 in the series SERIES - United we stand

Our topic this week is communication. Specifically, we’re discussing how to talk to those around you about your health plans. Yesterday we spoke about the importance of including your partner in your health plans. Today, we’re going to talk about family.

Research

In many ways, family is just as important as your partner. They’re the social framework that many of us use to shape our lives. Family is also where we picked up a lot of our habits and preferences. This information is already reason enough to include your family in your health plans.

Families know you. They’ve known you since you were a baby. They know where you got that scar on your knee, why you fear clowns and when you first started liking candied popcorn. They know what kind of food you ate when you were little and they also remember when you first started gaining weight. In short, your family knows your whole history, from birth to present day.

This history is incredibly important when you’re starting to change your life. It can give you ideas about things you once liked and might like again. For example, my family reminded me of the long hiking trips we used to take when I was a child. That’s why I tried hiking again and found out that I loved it. Family can also tell you when you picked up or changed specific habits. This is key to changing those habits.

Most important of all, family can tell you about specific medical issues that might run in your family. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure? Are there genetic conditions that your parents might have passed down to you? These are all important things to know. Once you find out, make sure you talk to a doctor. I am not a medical professional and neither is your family (well, unless there’s a doctor in your family). Make sure you take this information to your doctor, explain to them that you’re trying to become healthier and see if there’s anything you should keep an eye on. In my own case, the doctor said I should pay special attention to wearing sunscreen, since my family has a history of skin problems.

Motivation

Like your partner, your family can be an important source of motivation. They’ve probably noticed how you struggle physically and they might remember when things weren’t always like this. They’ll be overjoyed to see you taking better care of yourself because they love you and wish you the best.

Make sure to explain to your family why you’re making certain changes. Unfortunately, you might have picked up some of your bad habits from your family. So there might be some hurt feelings if you don’t communicate well. When I was growing up, my mother used to cook traditional eastern European food. It was very meat and potato heavy. Over the past few years, as I’ve tried to eat healthier, I’ve switched to different sorts of food. I made sure to explain to her why I was doing this. I told her that I still liked her food but I just needed to watch what I eat a bit more. Rather than be hurt, she surprised me by enthusiastically embracing this new side of me. She now makes vegetarian dishes for me when I come visit and she always has something healthy in the fridge for me to snack on. She understands what I’m trying to do and she’s become one of my strongest supporters.

Preaching

One thing to avoid, and this applies to family, friends and loved ones. Don’t preach. Just because you’re changing your life doesn’t mean everyone else is ready to do the same. What works for you might not work for others. Don’t try to convince your family to make the same changes you’re making. You can lead by example, you can offer help and you can even offer advice, but there’s a fine line between helping someone and pushing them. Avoid crossing that line. It will keep your personal life from getting unhealthy.


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May

2

United we stand; the diet partner

Filed Under Eating Healthy, Motivation | Leave a Comment

Thisentryis part 3 of 5 in the series SERIES - United we stand

We’ve been talking about getting the other people in your life involved with your plan to get healthier.  We covered general communication, now we’re going to get more specific.  Should you get someone actively involved in your eating plan?  First, let’s stop thinking about this as a diet partner.  When you say diet partner to most people they tend to think of a temporary thing.  Some short term plan that you’re going to succeed at and then stop.  That’s the worst way to think about all this.

You are not trying some temporary diet here, you’re making a permanent change to your life.  You’re not going to stop in two months, or in a year, or in two year.  You’re going to keep going because when you stop, you’ll just go back to where you were.  That’s the problem with most diets, they’re temporary solutions to long term problems.  So before thinking about a partner, make sure you understand the commitment here.  That said, getting a partner could be a short term solution that helps you through the gradual changes until you get to where you want to be.

Benefits of a Partner

  • Research - A partner can help you find new ways to change your diet.  They can come up with new suggestions for healthy meals that you might never have thought of.  They can find new restaurants or recipes that you don’t have time to look for.  Essentially, they’re one more person doing the research on what to eat and when to eat it.
  • Motivation - A partner can help you remain motivated.  You might both be committed to changing your lives, but everyone has weak moments.  A partner will help you through those.
  • Support - It’s hard to be the only person in the room being healthy.  If you have friends with unhealthy habits, it can be difficult to change your life while spending time with them.  A partner helps you see that you’re not alone.  You’re not the only one in the room not eating the chips and salsa.

Downsides to Partners

  • Different Preferences - It’s hard to find healthy food, especially when two people have different preferences.  It’s bad enough trying to find that one dish on the menu that isn’t full of fat, but what if you can’t even decide on a restaurant?
  • Drag Factor - What happens if your partner is having problems?  Are they going to drag you down with them?  Do you have to spend every day trying to motivate them?  Eventually, you’ll end up unmotivated yourself.
  • Disagreements - Health is not an exact science.  Different people have a different idea of what is or isn’t healthy.  What happens when you disagree on what to eat?

Recommendation

Overall, I believe having someone helping you out is a plus.  The benefits of a good partner do outweigh the disadvantages.  You’ll find yourself more motivated and better informed if you’re not working alone.  The key is finding the right partner.  Communication is your best tool here.  Find someone in your life who you spend a lot of time with.  They’re the ideal partner.  Then explain to them exactly what it is that you’re trying to accomplish.  Talk about your goals and what you expect to change about your life.  Make sure they have similar goals.  Don’t try to convince someone to change against their will, that’s the worst way to find help.  Above all, keep communicating.

Ideally, your diet partner is going to be your wife, husband, fiance or someone else who is close to you.  They’re the ones who eat most meals with you and so are best suited to help you change your eating habits.  If that’s not possible, find a close friend, a family member or a coworker.  The more time you spend with this person, the better.  If even that’s not possible, go online.  There are multiple discussion groups and forums where you’ll find people in the exact same situation as you.  They’re looking to change and trying to find people to talk to.

If you know of a good online group or forum to discuss eating habits or healthy diets, please post them in the comments.


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May

3

United we stand; the workout partner

Filed Under Motivation, Work Out | Leave a Comment

Thisentryis part 4 of 5 in the series SERIES - United we stand

This week, we’ve been talking about involving other people as you change your life towards more healthy goals.  Today’s topic is going to be the workout partner.

You see them at the gym or on the road every day.  Two people lifting weights together, running together or biking together.  If you go there at the same time each day, you’ll probably see the same two people working out together.  These are workout partners, people who exercise together.  If you’re just starting out, you may be wondering if a workout partner is a good thing to have.  Well, like a diet partner, there are good and bad things.

Advantages 

  • Responsibility - Having a workout partner makes it more difficult to miss a workout.  You feel responsible to show up every day and on time because someone else is counting on you.  This means you’re less likely to delay or cancel a workout. 
    Motivation - Working out with someone else might also motivate you to work harder, especially if they are at or above your level.  Seeing a friend run faster might motivate you to do the same, just to keep up.
  • Safety - Working out with someone else is safer.  If you’re lifting weights you’ll have someone there to spot you.  If you’re biking, you’ll have someone else there to watch for cars and help out with that flat tire.  Regardless of the activity, a partner makes a workout safer.
  • Proper Form - A workout partner can help you with your form.  While most gym’s have mirrors, it’s still hard to see if you’re making a mistake as you’re exercising.  A workout partner can help you with that by spotting bad form or improperly executed exercises.
  • Research - A workout partner can help you find information on new exercises, location or equipment.

Disadvantages

  • Inflexible - Since your workout schedule now belongs to more than just you, it becomes less flexible.  You can’t move workouts around if you need to work and you can reschedule easily if family is visiting.
  • Discouraging - In some ways, a workout partner can reduce your motivation.  If their fitness level is much higher than yours, you might feel discouraged and despair of ever improving.  Embarrassment at not keeping up might prevent you from working out.  Alternatively, if your workout partner is at a level much lower than yours, you might be tempted to slack instead of trying hard to improve your own fitness.

Recommendation

I think a workout partner is a good thing to have.  However, you need to be careful about finding the right one.  If possible, look for someone at about the same fitness level as you, especially if you’re going to be doing outdoor activities like jogging or biking.  If you’re going to work out at a gym then fitness level is not as important since weights are easily adjusted.  In this case, make sure both you and your partner understand each other’s fitness levels.  If you’re more fit, be careful to remain encouraging.  You’ll find that it’s very satisfying to help someone improve and become more fit.

Also make sure your scheduling needs are the same.  Once you set a workout schedule, you need to stick to it.  So be sure both partners are ok with the schedule on a long term basis.  This is a problem I ran into recently.  My workout partner and I came up with a schedule, but it turned out to be unworkable long term.

As always, communication is key.  Make sure you and your partner understand each other’s goals.  These goals may be different but still compatible, but it’s important that you both understand what you’re trying to get out of your workout.


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May

4

United We Stand: How to motivate your friends and loved ones to improve their health

Filed Under Eating Healthy, Exercise, Motivation, Work Out | 2 Comments

Thisentryis part 5 of 5 in the series SERIES - United we stand

We’ve been talking about getting help from those around you.  We’ve discussed communicating your goals to your family, your friends and your loved ones.  We also talked about the ups and downs of diet and workout partners.  However, what happens when you’re looking to help instead of get help?  How do you communicate to those around you that you want them to improve their health?

Why Help Others? 

First, let’s talk about why you would want to do such a thing.  For many of us who are working on getting healthier, we see improvements in our lives and we want to share them with those around us.  We want them to have the same great feelings we do when we’re done with a workout, or when we finally achieve that goal of running a marathon.  It doesn’t matter if you just started working out or if you’ve been doing it for years, you’ll find yourself wanting to share your successes with others. 

Another reason might be worrying about your friends and family.  I remember how out of shape I was and I worry when I see my friends going through what I did.  I don’t want to lose them and I don’t want them to suffer through poor health.  I want them to improve their life in the same way I did so I can enjoy their company for many years to come.  So you’re in the same situation as me, and you want to help and you have some good reasons for it.  Still, there are a few things to keep in mind.

What Not To Do

It’s important to note that not all lifestyles fit all people.  I’m a vegetarian.  I do it for health and environmental reasons.  I really wish everyone around me would do the same but I know that’s not realistic.  That lifestyle just doesn’t fit everyone.  I also love to work out and I would love to exercise with my fiance, but with our busy lifestyles, different work schedules and her back injury, that’s just not going to happen.  The same is true of you and your loved ones.  Not everything that works for you will work for them.  So if you expect them to copy your lifestyle in every way, you’re going to be repeatedly disappointed.

Also, never preach.  Never tell anyone that they’re doing something wrong.  You’re not going to win that argument.  You can have all the proof you want but you still want convince anyone by telling them their way is wrong.  Even worse, you’re going to make them dislike you.  There’s nothing worse than the self righteous health nut preaching to those around him or her how their ways are bad.

What To Do

Lead by example - Your friends and family notice the little changes.  They’ll see your health improving and they’ll wonder how you’re doing it.  Show them how you’re enjoying your new fitness.  Tell them how much fun you had dancing or hiking.  Don’t complain about the workout, instead, mention how you love that feeling afterwards of having accomplished something tough.  Get them to motivate themselves.

Offer advice when appropriate - When someone eventually talks to you about fitness and how you’ve managed to changes your life, offer some friendly advice.  Don’t talk about revolutionary changes to their lifestyle.  Remember what it was like when you yourself were starting out.  Big changes are daunting and radical life overhauls can seem impossible.  Offer small tips, little things they can do to start improving.

Participate - Don’t just tell someone to go to the gym, go with them.  Show them around.  Work out with them at least a few times until they get used to it.  Go hiking with them rather than just telling them about the trails.  Don’t be afraid of trying new things.  If they tell you they’ve always wanted to try Salsa dancing, go with them even if you don’t know the Salsa from the waltz.  It can be really nice to have someone else with you when you’re trying something new and maybe you’ll learn something new yourself.

Encourage - If someone takes your advice, make sure to keep encouraging them.  Tell them how well they’re doing.  Share with them some of the hard times you had when you were starting out.  Be proud of their accomplishments and compliment them on what they’ve achieved.  A little positive reinforcement goes a long way when you’re starting out.

Offer alternatives - If you see them try and fail, offer new ways or new options.  Again, what works for you may not work for them.  So find new ways of doing things and suggest them as an alternative.  Maybe they don’t like jogging as a form of cardio even though you do.  That’s fine.  Suggest something else and then try it with them.  Remember, the point is to get them to help themselves, not to get them to imitate you.

Above all, remember that these are your friends and loved ones.  You want them to change their way because you care about them, not because your way is right.  Make sure you communicate that and listen when they respond. 


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