Healthy Living For Smart People

A few weeks before Xmas, I listed out some of my healthy gift ideas.  Well, Santa (or Hanukkah Harry) must have read that post because most of those items showed up at my house in the weeks before the holidays.  Among those items was what I now consider one of the best health investments of my life.  Namely, the Everlast 80lb heavy punching bag.

Warning – Some of this post contains certain language.  Language that is laden with testosterone and meant primarily for guys.  If you’re ok with this kind of language, please read on.  Otherwise, check out my wonderful post about water retention.

And now, I present to you my new exercise equipment / anger issues outlet!

A Man’s Best Friend

Yes, this bag isn’t won’t just improve your physical health it will also improve your emotional health, but more on that later.  First, let’s talk boxing workout.

Honestly, I thought boxers were overweight, overmanaged and more similar to choreographed wrestlers than true athletes.  I now take all that back and apologize for any bad thing I have ever said about boxing.  Well, I still believe they’re over managed but that’s a different issue.  As far as health and workouts are concerned, boxing kicks ass!  (Amusing fact, Balrog, the boxer from Street Fighter, had no kicks and was therefore the only character who literally could NOT kick ass).

Along with the boxing bag, my wonderful wife got me a round timer.  It’s a little gadget that rings a bell to signal the start of a round and then rings another bell two minutes later to signal the end of the round.  When I first saw this little device I thought to myself “two minutes?  Are you serious?  I can do twenty minutes!!”  I was wrong.  So, so, SO wrong.

The Workout

60 seconds into punching this bag and I was winded, tired and hurting.  90 seconds and the bag was kicking my ass so hard that I had to stop the round timer before I collapsed.  My heart was beating hard, my legs were tired from hopping around and my arms were sore from punching this monster hanging in front of me.  Now sure, you can do some form work or slow motion boxing that won’t tire you out as much, but if you want to do that, why did you just plonk down $100 (or $300 if you bought the optional stand) for a heavy punching bag?  No, this thing is meant to take a beating and a fast paced beating you shall deliver.

One quick disclaimer, you really should consider boxing gloves or even hand wraps.  Again, I thought to myself those boxers are pansies for needing to protect their hands but I was very very wrong.  One punch to this heavy bag and I thought I had broken my wrist.  I still do the occasional bare handed routine but in that case I make sure not to hit with any kind of follow through.  Trust me on this one, the bag doesn’t have much give in it and neither do your bones, try not to break either.

So, overall, this thing was a monster in terms of workouts.  It combines cardio with some good hand eye coordination and muscle work.  It’s not a resistance workout by any means, it’s more the equivalent of running sprints.  You work really hard for a short amount of time and then rest.  I definitely recommend getting the timer with it and then trying to see how many rounds you can go full out.

The Therapy Session

However, what really surprised me is not how good of a workout this was but how good of an outlet it is.  Yah, that’s right, I enjoy hitting stuff.  I won’t lie to you and I won’t try to pretend otherwise.  Honestly, I think a lot of us guys still have a primal creature inside of us just waiting to obliterate some threat to our loves ones.  It’s why we watch movies like Deathwish 9 and why we like to act tough around our friends.  Except we’re also civilized creatures (despite our penchant for burping and farting) and civilization has told us that violence is bad.  So in our quest to impress women with our gentler side (and not go to jail) we’ve repressed our violent tendencies and buried them deep inside our day dreams and fantasies where we kick ass on anyone who dares touch our wife.

Except those urges are still there, lurking.  They’re like little monsters waiting to be unleashed at the absolute wrong time.  They grow stronger when our bosses are idiots, the train is late, traffic is bad and the guy at the checkout counter ignores us and makes us wait.  They whisper to us “you’re not a man, you’re a wimp” and beg to be released.  And sooo….

Cry Havok, And Let Loose The Dogs of War

Every few nights I have a date with my punching bag.  During this date I tell the bag exactly how angry I am.  I tell it how annoying AT&T customer support was.  I tell it what an ass my coworker was.  I tell it how much I hate that guy on TV who yells at me when I buy the wrong stocks.  I even tell it some secrets I tell no one else, like the annoying thing my mom does when she thinks she’s being funny.  Except I don’t tell the bag any of this with words, I tell it with my fists!  And the bag listens and it talks to me.  It says “ hit me harder!  Be a man!” and I do and after 10 minutes of this, my anger is spent, my monsters are tired and I am ready to rejoin civilization once again.  I am sweaty, tired and in pain but I feel good.  I feel like a man, a true man, and a healthy one.

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If you’re interested in buying this bag for yourself or as a gift, check out our gift review on Diamonds or Dogs.