Nov

21

Honesty Above All Else

Filed Under Motivation, Self Improvement | 1 Comment

I’ve been talking about personal improvement this week and how it relates to fitness and health.  We started out with not caring about strangers’ opinions, moved on to looking within and today we’re going to finish with the most important lesson of all, honesty.

What Is Honesty?

First of all, I’m not talking about your work here.  Believe me, I’m in marketing, considered by some to be a profession rather low on the honesty scale.  What I’m talking about is honesty with yourself and with the people who matter.  Some of that looking within post was all about examining yourself and finding out why you do the things you do.  Well, once you figure that out, what good is it if you’re not going to be honest about it?

My Brother

I have a brother who I love very much.  He’s older by four years and many times throughout my life, he’s taken care of me.  I still remember dragging a mattress over to his bedroom when I was little because I was afraid of the dark.  He’d let me sleep there to feel safe.  In the past ten years, my brother and I grew apart somewhat.  We were both busy with our own lives, both occupied with things that the other was not aware of.  Which made me a bit hesitant when it came to talking to him.

However, there were many things that I wanted to say to my brother.  I wanted to thank him for helping me all those times.  I wanted to ask his opinion on various problems I was facing.  I also wanted to help him out with his own fitness issues that he was trying to face on his own.  And yet, I held back.  We would meet, we would talk, but we would never really talk about anything more than the weather, politics and the occasional movie.  We were never honest and open.

A Few Weeks Ago…

And then something happened.  What happened is private and I’m not going to share it here, but it was a crisis in my own life (which explains these self improvement posts over the past week).  Who was there to help me out and pick me up?  My brother.  All it took was one call and he was back to being the close and supportive brother I thought I had lost.  Since then we’ve talked about everything from our childhood to our personal lives, and yes, we’ve shared our problems.  He’s helped me face mine and I’m helping him with his.

Do you know what it took to do this?  Honesty.  I needed to tell him what was happening and that I needed help.  I needed to tell him what I thinking and what was going on.  I needed to tell him what I was worried about and what concerned me.  It was honesty, plain and simple.  He’s helped him immensely and I will always be here for him.

So…

Ahh yes, so what?  What does all this have to do with fitness and health?  Everything.  Without honesty, you will never fix your problems.  Without being honest with your loved ones, you will never get them to understand what you’re going through.  Without telling your partner that you’re concerned about your and their health you’ll never get them to change no matter how many exercise bikes you buy them.  Without telling your friends that you’re trying to lose a bit of weight because you dream of playing ball with your son, you’re never going to get them to lay off the beer and chips when you’re around.

Yes, you shouldn’t care about the opinions of strangers, but you should care about the opinions of your loved ones and close friends.  They are the ones who shape your life, and without honesty they can’t help you shape it in the direction you’re trying to head.

But It’s Scary…

Oh yes, honesty is scary.  It’s terrifying to talk to someone you really care about and who plays a large role in your life and tell them what frightens you.  I think it might be especially terrifying for men since we’re taught to be strong, be silent and be tough.  Well, guess what?  Being tough won’t make the problem go away, nor will being strong and silent get your family to understand what you’re going through.  Honesty and openess are the key to communication and communication is the key to good health, both physical and emotional.

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Don’t wait 20 years to learn your lessons like I did.  Take the time to be honest and open about yourself.  Believe me, you won’t regret it.


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Nov

19

Looking Within

Filed Under Motivation, Self Improvement | 3 Comments

Sometimes, we have to look within for the reasons why we do the things we do.  We keep looking for simple reasons, simple external things that would explain why we hate exercise, why we overeat even when we shouldn’t.  We read articles about lack of sleep and how it can cause a hormonal imbalance which causes hunger and we say “ahh, that must be it.”  We read research about carbohydrates and how they promote hunger for more carbs and we think “got it, now I know what’s causing it.”

We do this because we’re still looking for the easy way out.  We’re still looking for something we can point to and say, “oh, that’s it.  Well, that’s an easy fix then, I’ll just get more sleep and eat less candy and everything will be fine.”  It’s natural to think that way and it might be true in some cases, but in many cases, we need to look a bit deeper than that if we truly want to understand and improve ourselves.

Me

When I was growing up, I craved my parents’ approval above all else.  It’s natural I think, most kids look up to their parents and it’s normal to try and gain their approval, to be more like them, to get them to compliment us and to tell us that we’re doing well.  My father ate fast and I remember how he would smile when he saw that I was eating fast as well, trying to emulate him.  My mother loved to cook and I remember how happy she was when I would ask for more food.  Put the two together and you have my eating issues.  I eat too fast and too much.

Am I Ashamed Of This?

Maybe, I’m not sure.  Certainly shame or fear of shame could be one of the reasons why it took me so long to really look into my behavior and figure out what I was doing and why.  Maybe I just didn’t want to admit that I had a problem or maybe I didn’t want to think about it.  I’m honestly not sure why I waited such a long time to really examine this issue.  I know that I kept looking for that easy solution, the lack of sleep studies, the carbs, the multiple meals a day.   I kept looking for easy solutions rather than looking within myself.  Now that I see what the problem is and why I have it, I feel no shame.

I did nothing wrong.  There is absolutely no problem with a child trying to gain the approval of his parents and there is nothing shameful or horrible about carrying childhood habits into adulthood.  I see that now, and I also see how facing this and understanding it has helped me come to terms with who I am and how I can better myself.  I’m an adult now, with an adult’s communication ability.  I don’t need to emulate my father, I just need to talk to him.  I don’t need to overeat my mom’s cooking, I just need to tell her that I enjoyed the small amount that I ate.  I understand all that now.

Look Within Yourself

Yah, I know, I sound like some wannabe Jedi Master telling you to master the force within you.  Well, who cares.  It took me a long time to figure out why I did the things I did and part of the reason for 60 in 3 was for me to share that experience with you.  So here I am telling you to look within for some of the answers.  I can’t help you with this, I am not a psychologist or even a therapist.  I can only tell you that within you is a lot of information that you might be overlooking.

Looking within carries no shame.  It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you and it doesn’t mean you’re damaged or crazy or any of the stupid stuff that our society attaches to introspection.  It just means you’re self aware, consious of your thought processes and how they are generated.  That’s a good thing folks, not a bad one.

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Take a moment, pause your life for just a second and take a good long hard look within.  Why do you do the things you do?  What started those destructive habits you’re trying to fix?  Admitting you have a problem might be the first step to solving it, but I think figuring out the cause of the problem is a very good second step.


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