You are here: Home / Archives for Communication

Tips On Teaching Others How To Workout (and On Learning From Others)

October 4, 2007 By 1 Comment

I had a great experience last night. My wife asked if she could work out with me. Due to her back issues, she hasn’t worked out for the past few years and has been staying in shape with horse back riding, low level physical activity and a healthy diet. Luckily, she’s had a few medical procedures in the past year that have made her much healthier and she’s now thinking about a little gym time. So yesterday, she asked me if I could show her a standard workout. Through this experience, I learned quite a bit about my own workout and how to teach others about working out.

Always Communicate

Good communication is obviously key. However, keep in mind that things that are obvious to you are not obvious to other people. One of the first things she asked me was “you don’t stretch first?” and “what are the injury risks? How come you’re not telling me the things I shouldn’t do?” I’ve been doing this for years now, so some things are obvious to me. However, they were not obvious to her. Specifically, she didn’t understand why I was doing things in a certain way.  That’s a very important lesson. When you’re trying to explain something, don’t just explain the what, also explain the why. Show them what to do and then explain why it should be done this way. Discuss why it shouldn’t be done another way.

This is an important for people on the other side of this discussion as well. If you’re just now starting out and you’re trying to learn how to workout, don’t just look for the what but make sure you understand the why as well. If someone tells you to do something, ask why. The more you understand, the better equipped you will be to make decisions in the future. For example, when I showed my wife my back workout, I was careful to explain which muscle group each one works. Now, if she ever wants to modify her workout in the future, she’s better equipped to pick out the right replacement exercise.

Expore Options

Yes, your workout is amazing, it works great, it’s made you incredibly fit and it’s really easy to do. However, all of these things apply to you, not to other people. Each person is different and what works for one may not work for another. We were working on back and abs yesterday and I showed her the routine I usually use. However, some of the back exercises I really like were making her neck hurt. I had a momentary urge to say “well, just work through it.” Then I kicked myself mentally and reminded myself that her back and neck injuries were the whole reason for her not working out in the first place. The back exercise that I liked so much may simply be wrong for her. A quick look around the gym revealed an exercise ball, and when she tried the same exercise on the ball her neck felt much better.

Again, this is a lesson for both the experienced and the inexperienced. If you’re learning from someone, keep in mind that their body is not your body. Their goals may not be the same as your goals. Don’t be afraid to ask them for alternatives or to explore different options yourself. There are a hundred different ways to do each exercise and a hundred different exercises for each part of your body. Find one that works for you.

Write Things Down

It’s unfair to expect someone to remember everything after one lesson. If you want to teach someone how to workout, give them some tools that will help them remember. For example, I have a little spreadsheet where I list all the exercises I do. Last time I started working out with someone who was inexperienced, I gave them this spreadsheet and I intend to do the same with my wife. She can modify it to her heart’s content, but at least she’ll have a starting point. If you’re going to the gym for the first time, bring a pen and paper with you. Write things down so you’ll remember them later.

Summary

Teaching someone else to workout can be a very rewarding experience. Just remember how difficult it was for you when you first started. Have patience and be willing to help them learn. Teach them, don’t just tell them what to do.

Filed Under: Communication, Exercise, Work Out

Do you hate fat people?

September 25, 2007 By Leave a Comment

I like to read up on health and fitness. It keeps me informed and educated about a topic I’m interested in. Articles I find interesting are saved and usually linked to in one of my weekend roundup posts. However, I recently saw an article that went beyond interesting reading. It was an opinion piece in the Sunday Herald, a British publication, that discussed the author’s opinion towards people who are obese. The article was provoking in and of itself, but the reader comments that followed it were unbelievable. Here’s the link to the article, the comments are at the bottom.

First, let me clarify my own opinion.  I do believe that the vast majority of people who are overweight have only themselves to blame for their condition.  Obesity is a relatively simple issue.  If calories in are higher than calories out, you’re going to gain weight.  If you want to lose weight, reduce your calories in and increase your calories out.  And yes, before anyone says it, I am aware of the rare few who have real medical conditions that cause them to be overweight.  I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about the rest of obese people who, like me, got that way because of their own choices.  However, the article goes a bit too far and the comments following it certainly do.

There’s nothing disgusting or hateful about being overweight.  It’s a physical condition like any other.  In fact, being overweight used to be a beauty standard back when food was scarce and fat was a sign of wealth and prosperity.  There’s also nothing unnatural about fat, it’s actually one of your body’s most natural functions, designed to save you in times of famine and shortages.

Yes, being overweight is a matter of choice, but many people may not even be aware that they’re making a bad choice.  It’s not like nutrition and exercise are something that’s taught in our schools.  Actually, most of what we know about nutrition comes from advertisements and TV where we learn that sugary breakfast cereals are great and bigger hamburgers are even better!

We don’t have to accept obesity.  We don’t have to tell someone who’s massively overweight that they’re just fine.  The fact is that they’re not and they know it.  However, to go as far as hatred and disgust, that’s a bit much.  Even worse, hatred and disgust won’t solve the problem.  They just drive overweight people away.   If you have a friend or family member who’s overweight, telling them you find them disgusting is certainly not going to be helpful.  Perhaps an offer to help would be better.  Maybe sharing your own experiences and struggles would work.  And yes, being overweight is not an excuse to be rude or inconsiderate towards other people.  It is your choice and your responsibility.  Don’t expect others to always accept sharing that burden.  It’s their choice to help or not help.

Everyone makes bad decisions sooner or later.  We can either hate them for it or be willing to help.  It’s not too hard to see which one of those options is more productive.

Filed Under: Communication, Weight Loss

7 mistakes to avoid while trying to get healthy. #7, Trying to do it alone.

August 15, 2007 By Leave a Comment
This entry is part 8 of 8 in the series SERIES - 7 things to avoid when trying to get healthy

We’ve been going over a variety of mistakes people tend to make when they first start getting serious about their health and fitness.  Today’s post is the last in this series and will cover how and why you should communicate your goals to the people around you.  If you’ve read all the articles in this series you’ll note that I have personal experience with many of these.  You may even conclude that I made a lot of mistakes on the path to good health, and you’d be right.  This is exactly the reason I started writing 60 in 3, because I wanted to share these experiences so others can learn from them.  If you have your own experiences to share, please let me know.  You can add them in the comments section of any of these posts or contact me directly.  You may think your mistakes are silly or embarrassing, but they contain valuable lessons that the rest of us can learn from.  Together, we have an amazing pool of information that we can all benefit from.   And now, on to today’s topic.

Going at it alone is more common among men but also widespread among women.  It doesn’t specifically refer to getting a “diet buddy” or “workout partner”.  Instead, the more common mistake is a simple lack of communication.  When we first think about improving our health, we don’t tell others what we’re doing or why, and this ends up hurting us.

Common problems

How many times have you told yourself, “today, I’m going to eat healthy!” only to hear a friend or coworker ask you to lunch at your favorite fried foods buffet?  How many times have you told yourself you will avoid high calorie snacks only to visit your mom’s house and see that she’s made your favorite chocolate cake?  How often do you make a date with the gym only to hear you friends asking you to go out?  All of these are common issues that could be solved with better communication.

Let’s face it, our lives are heavily influenced by the people around us.  Our friends, our families and our loved ones have a huge role in deciding how our lives will be run on a day to day basis.  From a health perspective, our social circle has a tremendous amount of influence on our eating habits and physical activity.  So how can we expect to change our ways when the people who influence our decisions are not aware of what we’re trying to do?  How can we expect to eat healthy when the people who help us decide what to eat don’t know what our goals are?  How can we expect to live a more physically active life when the people we spend most of our time with still think we’re interested in watching TV all day?  If we ask ourselves these questions, it becomes clear that we should communicate better if we hope to make permanent changes to our lives.

Common failures

Unfortunately, while it may seem clear now, it’s not clear to most people.  There is a certain level of shame in admitting you’re bad at something.  It’s not easy to tell our friends and our family “I’m too fat and out of shape.”  We’re admitting to them that we’ve failed at something as basic as keeping healthy.  We’re also afraid of insulting them, especially if they’re out of shape too.  There could be family issues.  For example, will your parents be upset or feel as though you’re blaming them?  Will your spouse feel guilty over the meals they’ve chosen?  There are dozens of reasons not to communicate, but most of them come down to fear.  We’re afraid of being misunderstood, we’re afraid of offending and we’re afraid of embarrassment.   That’s all understandable, but it doesn’t change the fact that communication is a must if you hope to get healthy.

What to communicate

The first thing you need to communicate is the why.  Why are you doing this?  Why are you trying to change your life?  For most of us, that will be easy to communicate.  Health is a relatively clear topic these days.  People know that being out of shape and overweight is bad for you and they’ll understand why you’re trying to get back in shape.  In fact, you’ll frequently hear “I’m glad you’re finally doing this.  I’ve wanted to tell you something but I was afraid you’ll be offended.”

Next you’ll want to explain the what.  What is it that you plan on doing?  Are you going to work out more?  Are you going to eat better?  Make sure people understand what your plan is and how you hope to implement it.  Again, this is relatively clear to most people.  We know that health means eating better and exercising more, but make sure people understand the specifics.  Are you going to be going to the gym?  Will you be jogging?  Are you going vegetarian?  These little details will help them understand what you’re going to be doing.  You may even hear some feedback and suggestions.

Finally, you’ll want to explain to them how they can help.  How should they behave around you?  It sounds a bit silly but you’ll be surprised how useful this part of the conversation is.  Can they still have lunch with you?  Can they still invite you over for a movie?  Can they still have you over for dinner?  Do they need to cook something special for you?  People have the oddest misconceptions sometimes and it’s good to talk about them ahead of time.  By the way, this doesn’t need to be a long conversation where you hand people a list of how to behave around you.  It can be something as simple as “for the most part, I’m still the same me.  We can go to the same restaurants and I’ll just order something a bit healthier than before.  I’m just going to be busy from 6 to 7pm every night because that’s my workout time.”

No preaching

The one thing to watch out for is what I call preachiness.  So you’ve decided to get healthy, that’s great.  Your friends and family are not going to appreciate you preaching to them about how you’ve seen the light and now they need to follow your example.  If you want them to be healthy then lead by example.  Do your thing, improve your health and show your friends that it can be easy and fun.  Answer their questions but never tell them their way of life is wrong.  That’s a mistake I used to make and try to avoid these days.  The only thing such an attitude creates is broken friendships and strained family relationships.

Summary

The people around you shape your behavior, and in doing so, they shape your health.  Get them involved by communicating and you will turn a potential problem in a significant resource.  Remember, they want you to succeed, all you need to do is tell them how they can help.

Filed Under: Communication

United we stand; family health plans

May 1, 2007 By Leave a Comment
This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series SERIES - United we stand

Our topic this week is communication. Specifically, we’re discussing how to talk to those around you about your health plans. Yesterday we spoke about the importance of including your partner in your health plans. Today, we’re going to talk about family.

Research

In many ways, family is just as important as your partner. They’re the social framework that many of us use to shape our lives. Family is also where we picked up a lot of our habits and preferences. This information is already reason enough to include your family in your health plans.

Families know you. They’ve known you since you were a baby. They know where you got that scar on your knee, why you fear clowns and when you first started liking candied popcorn. They know what kind of food you ate when you were little and they also remember when you first started gaining weight. In short, your family knows your whole history, from birth to present day.

This history is incredibly important when you’re starting to change your life. It can give you ideas about things you once liked and might like again. For example, my family reminded me of the long hiking trips we used to take when I was a child. That’s why I tried hiking again and found out that I loved it. Family can also tell you when you picked up or changed specific habits. This is key to changing those habits.

Most important of all, family can tell you about specific medical issues that might run in your family. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure? Are there genetic conditions that your parents might have passed down to you? These are all important things to know. Once you find out, make sure you talk to a doctor. I am not a medical professional and neither is your family (well, unless there’s a doctor in your family). Make sure you take this information to your doctor, explain to them that you’re trying to become healthier and see if there’s anything you should keep an eye on. In my own case, the doctor said I should pay special attention to wearing sunscreen, since my family has a history of skin problems.

Motivation

Like your partner, your family can be an important source of motivation. They’ve probably noticed how you struggle physically and they might remember when things weren’t always like this. They’ll be overjoyed to see you taking better care of yourself because they love you and wish you the best.

Make sure to explain to your family why you’re making certain changes. Unfortunately, you might have picked up some of your bad habits from your family. So there might be some hurt feelings if you don’t communicate well. When I was growing up, my mother used to cook traditional eastern European food. It was very meat and potato heavy. Over the past few years, as I’ve tried to eat healthier, I’ve switched to different sorts of food. I made sure to explain to her why I was doing this. I told her that I still liked her food but I just needed to watch what I eat a bit more. Rather than be hurt, she surprised me by enthusiastically embracing this new side of me. She now makes vegetarian dishes for me when I come visit and she always has something healthy in the fridge for me to snack on. She understands what I’m trying to do and she’s become one of my strongest supporters.

Preaching

One thing to avoid, and this applies to family, friends and loved ones. Don’t preach. Just because you’re changing your life doesn’t mean everyone else is ready to do the same. What works for you might not work for others. Don’t try to convince your family to make the same changes you’re making. You can lead by example, you can offer help and you can even offer advice, but there’s a fine line between helping someone and pushing them. Avoid crossing that line. It will keep your personal life from getting unhealthy.

Filed Under: Communication, Motivation
Newer Posts »