Jun

23

Love and Health

Filed Under Communication, Motivation | 2 Comments

One of the articles I linked to in yesterday’s weekend roundup spoke about the importance of social networks when it came to health. A social network is your friends and family, the people who are close to you and provide you with support. A good social network reduces stress and gives you someone to rely on. They encourage, motivate and accept you. A bad social network stresses, discourages and demoralizes you.  Today, I’d like to focus on one particular part of your social network, your partner.

Of All The Wonderful Things My Wife Helps Me With, This I Appreciate The Most

My wife is an amazing person, something I don’t tell her enough .  She’s smart, creative, funny and beautiful.  She’s been an incredibly positive influence in my life.  For all the great things I could thank her for, it’s her support that I appreciate the most.

When I need help, she’s there.  If I need someone to talk to, she’s there.  If I have an idea and I need someone to talk about it with, she’s there.  We support each other through school, work, new puppies and moving houses.  This support has proven to be invaluable for me in so many areas, health being one of them.

How Does Support = Good Health?

My wife and I don’t workout together.  We’ve tried but it just didn’t work out.  We’re still planning to take a few classes together but for the most we work out separately.  Yet, her support is still there when I work out.

  • She motivates me through some days when I’m not really thinking about working out.  I think of her and of the long and healthy life I wish to lead with her and I start exercising again.
  • She helps me make good decisions.  For example, when I say “Let’s go to the buffet!” she points out that just the week before I said buffets were bad for me.
  • She helps me when I’m stressed just by being there and giving me someone to talk to.

What To Do?

The first and most important item is communication.  If you want feedaback you need to provide information.  If you want support, you need to communicate.  That’s a lesson I’ve learned myself.  It’s a hard lesson to learn, especially for someone used to being independent and self sufficient, but there’s an amazing amount of return on this one.  Some examples:

  • If you’re planning to make some effort to change your health, communicate about it with your partner.  Tell them why you’re doing it and what you’re planning to do.
  • If you’re having a problem and trying to figure out a solution, communicate with your partner.  Tell them what the problem is and ask them for their opinion.  Even if you think you know more about fitness and health than your partner, they might have insight on you that you missed.  It’s amazing how the people close to us see our habits in ways we never imagined.
  • If you need motivation, think about your partner.  It’s hard sometimes to visualize good health and remember why it’s so important.  It’s not that hard to visualize your loved ones and think about all the good years you hope to enjoy with them.

What If I’m Single?

Well, getting a partner just for better health is probably a bad idea.  Instead, why not find a friend who you’re close to and can serve in the same function?  How about a sibling or parent?  They’ve known you all your life and probably have a lot of useful insight into who you are.  Good friends are a great options since they’re supportive and spend a lot of time with you.  Remember, you’re not looking for a workout partner here, you’re looking for a communication partner.  You need someone you can talk to, not someone to jog with.  If you can also jog with them then that’s great, but it’s not the main goal.

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Find someone you care about and who cares about you and then communicate.  That’s it, it really is that simple.  The benefits, health and otherwise, are immense.

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Feb

8

The Value of Public Goals

Filed Under Communication, Motivation | 2 Comments

On Monday I shared a few of my goals for the month of February.  Following that conversation, I happened to talk to a few of my friends about my business trip.  I was describing the quality of food that was available at one of my meetings when one of them commented “so much for no candy this month…”

Now I did have a bit of chocolate fondue on my strawberries at the dinner I was describing to them but I had rationalized it to myself as “that’s not candy”.  So while we talked I replied that I was still on track.  However, at the next day’s dinner, I found myself leaving the dessert tray alone.  I realized that those around me knew about my goals and my pride would not allow me to come close to breaking those goals.

It was an interesting realization for me, just how much I care about the opinion of those around me, especially my friends.  I don’t believe I’m a vain or shallow person who only cares about what others think of him, but the opinions of people who I care about do matter to me.

So what’s the lesson in all this?  Well, the lesson is in how important it is to share information about your goals with others around you.  Tell your friends and family about what you’re trying to accomplish.  It will get them on your side, it will get you some help on occasion and it will motivate you to stick to those goals.  I firmly believe that motivation is 90% of the key to good health.  So if this helps your motivation then it’s a good thing.

Also, if you’re on the receiving end of communications about health goals, be sure to be supportive.  I think that’s something I’ve failed at a few times in the past but I’m trying to change.  The people around us can be our best allies or our worst enemies when it comes to health and I’m going to try and be much more supportive.

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Good communication and a supportive network of friends, coworkers and family are some of your best weapons when it comes to motivation and good health.

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Jan

14

Losing Friends Over Health?

Filed Under Communication, Motivation | 3 Comments

I mentioned in yesterday’s weekend workout that at some point in your pursuit of a healthier lifestyle, you may need to make a choice between health and hanging out with friends.  This morning I got an email from a reader who asked me whether I had lost or chosen to lose friends over health.  This seemed unreasonable to them and they didn’t think we should make sacrifices like these just to be healthier.

Personal Experience

The answer is, no, I have never chosen to lose a friend simply because I wanted to be healthier.  That thought never even occurred to me.  What I did do is change the time I spend with my friends.  I used to go to the movies with them almost every weekend, spend many late nights playing video games and go to a variety of fast food place.

These days, we still go to movies but much less frequently.  Instead, we go hiking every once in a while or spend time at the farmer’s market.  I’ve also made better choices in my meal options and I rarely find myself at fast food places.  Finally, I have cut down the video game time considerably and replaced it with more quality time at home, with my wife.  I haven’t lost any friends and I don’t believe I have weakened any friendships.  In fact, I have found my friends to be understanding and supportive of all the changes I am making in my life.

So no, there’s no reason to think that you will lose friends just because you want to be healthier.  Who knows, maybe one of your friends will wind up being your gym buddy.

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Oct

18

Can Your Friends Make You Fat?

Filed Under Communication, Healthy Habits, Weight Loss, Work Out | 1 Comment

There have been several studies lately that have examined the impact of social ties on physical health.  The results were interesting.  If you have friends that are out of shape and overweight, you are 20% to 50% more likely to be overweight and out of shape yourself.  Think about that for a moment.  If you have friends that are unhealthy, you have a significantly higher chance to be unhealthy yourself.  That brings up two follow up questions.  First, why does this relationship exist, and second, what can you do about it?

Why Do Fat People Have Fat Friends?

First, why is it that people who are overweight tend to have friends who are overweight?  The studies suggest two possible reasons:

Activity and eating Habits are shared in a social circle - This means that a group of friends is likely to have the same habits, and that includes eating and exercise.  If your friends enjoy going out to fast food every day, you’re likely to do the same because you like spending time with them.  If your friends enjoy playing soccer every day, you’re likely to do the same.  In other words, you spend time with your friends because you enjoy doing so.  The more time you spend with them, the more likely you are to eat the same things and have the same level of physical activity.

Perception of health issues - This one is a bit more complex.  The studies showed that if you have friends who are overweight and out of shape, you are more likely to see this as normal and less likely to view it as something that needs fixing.  That is, if I spend all my time with people who are overweight, then I will tend to see overweight people as normal.  I will therefore be unlikely to think of losing weight as a necessary goal.

How Do We Fix This?

Communication - First of all, communicate with your friends.  If you do have some health goals in mind, make sure they’re aware of them.  You don’t need to be offensive about it and rub it in their faces that you’re doing something about your health while they’re not, that’s a good way to lose friends.  Just make sure they know your preferences.  Tell them when you go to the gym so they don’t plan activities around those times.  Tell them about the restaurants you don’t want to go to.  I’ve personally found my friends to be extremely reasonable about this.  Even though my health and eating habits are now very different from theirs, they’ve never had an issue with it and are always willing to find a restaurant we will all enjoy.

Exercise on a regular schedule - This is a key point.  Set aside time for your exercise, put it on your schedule and stick to it.  If your friends know they you’re always unavailable on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays between 5 and 6pm, they’re going to be fine.  Everyone has schedules that they stick to and good friends understand that.  However, if you don’t have a regular schedule which your friends know about, they’re going to ask you to go to various events that might prevent you from working out.  That means temptation.  Do you really want to go to the gym or do you want to go out to that movie with your friends?  Either way you’ve lost because you’re either disappointing your friends or you’re missing out on your workout.  So make your exercise schedule, let your friends know about it and then stick to it.  Your social life will thank you.

Stick to your plan - So you’re at the restaurant and your friends have all ordered the milk shakes and those things really look tasty.  Are you going to stick to your healthy sandwich and water?  It’s a bit hard to do when everyone around you sure does seem to be enjoying themselves.  It’s hard, but you’re going to need to stick to your plan.  You know why you’re doing this and you know being healthy is an important goal.  Remind yourself of that and stick to your sandwich and water.  After all, having fun with your friends means spending time with them, it doesn’t mean eating the same things they’re eating.

Recruit them - You know the old saying, “if you can’t beat them, have them join you.”  Well, I guess that’s not quite the old saying but I like this version better.  How about asking some of your friends if they want to work out with you?  How about taking an active role in picking out restaurants to dine at and selecting something healthy?  How about picking an activity that’s not sitting around watching the game on TV and involves a bit more physical activity?  You don’t have to ask your friends to run a marathon with you, it could be something as simple as going to the park and tossing the ball around.

Summary

Your friends influence your life, no question about that.  Make sure they don’t influence you into something unhealthy or even better, use that influence as support in your quest for better health.

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Oct

4

Tips On Teaching Others How To Workout (and On Learning From Others)

Filed Under Communication, Exercise, Work Out | 1 Comment

I had a great experience last night. My wife asked if she could work out with me. Due to her back issues, she hasn’t worked out for the past few years and has been staying in shape with horse back riding, low level physical activity and a healthy diet. Luckily, she’s had a few medical procedures in the past year that have made her much healthier and she’s now thinking about a little gym time. So yesterday, she asked me if I could show her a standard workout. Through this experience, I learned quite a bit about my own workout and how to teach others about working out.

Always Communicate

Good communication is obviously key. However, keep in mind that things that are obvious to you are not obvious to other people. One of the first things she asked me was “you don’t stretch first?” and “what are the injury risks? How come you’re not telling me the things I shouldn’t do?” I’ve been doing this for years now, so some things are obvious to me. However, they were not obvious to her. Specifically, she didn’t understand why I was doing things in a certain way.  That’s a very important lesson. When you’re trying to explain something, don’t just explain the what, also explain the why. Show them what to do and then explain why it should be done this way. Discuss why it shouldn’t be done another way.

This is an important for people on the other side of this discussion as well. If you’re just now starting out and you’re trying to learn how to workout, don’t just look for the what but make sure you understand the why as well. If someone tells you to do something, ask why. The more you understand, the better equipped you will be to make decisions in the future. For example, when I showed my wife my back workout, I was careful to explain which muscle group each one works. Now, if she ever wants to modify her workout in the future, she’s better equipped to pick out the right replacement exercise.

Expore Options

Yes, your workout is amazing, it works great, it’s made you incredibly fit and it’s really easy to do. However, all of these things apply to you, not to other people. Each person is different and what works for one may not work for another. We were working on back and abs yesterday and I showed her the routine I usually use. However, some of the back exercises I really like were making her neck hurt. I had a momentary urge to say “well, just work through it.” Then I kicked myself mentally and reminded myself that her back and neck injuries were the whole reason for her not working out in the first place. The back exercise that I liked so much may simply be wrong for her. A quick look around the gym revealed an exercise ball, and when she tried the same exercise on the ball her neck felt much better.

Again, this is a lesson for both the experienced and the inexperienced. If you’re learning from someone, keep in mind that their body is not your body. Their goals may not be the same as your goals. Don’t be afraid to ask them for alternatives or to explore different options yourself. There are a hundred different ways to do each exercise and a hundred different exercises for each part of your body. Find one that works for you.

Write Things Down

It’s unfair to expect someone to remember everything after one lesson. If you want to teach someone how to workout, give them some tools that will help them remember. For example, I have a little spreadsheet where I list all the exercises I do. Last time I started working out with someone who was inexperienced, I gave them this spreadsheet and I intend to do the same with my wife. She can modify it to her heart’s content, but at least she’ll have a starting point. If you’re going to the gym for the first time, bring a pen and paper with you. Write things down so you’ll remember them later.

Summary

Teaching someone else to workout can be a very rewarding experience. Just remember how difficult it was for you when you first started. Have patience and be willing to help them learn. Teach them, don’t just tell them what to do.

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Sep

25

Do you hate fat people?

Filed Under Communication, Weight Loss | Leave a Comment

I like to read up on health and fitness. It keeps me informed and educated about a topic I’m interested in. Articles I find interesting are saved and usually linked to in one of my weekend roundup posts. However, I recently saw an article that went beyond interesting reading. It was an opinion piece in the Sunday Herald, a British publication, that discussed the author’s opinion towards people who are obese. The article was provoking in and of itself, but the reader comments that followed it were unbelievable. Here’s the link to the article, the comments are at the bottom.

First, let me clarify my own opinion.  I do believe that the vast majority of people who are overweight have only themselves to blame for their condition.  Obesity is a relatively simple issue.  If calories in are higher than calories out, you’re going to gain weight.  If you want to lose weight, reduce your calories in and increase your calories out.  And yes, before anyone says it, I am aware of the rare few who have real medical conditions that cause them to be overweight.  I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about the rest of obese people who, like me, got that way because of their own choices.  However, the article goes a bit too far and the comments following it certainly do.

There’s nothing disgusting or hateful about being overweight.  It’s a physical condition like any other.  In fact, being overweight used to be a beauty standard back when food was scarce and fat was a sign of wealth and prosperity.  There’s also nothing unnatural about fat, it’s actually one of your body’s most natural functions, designed to save you in times of famine and shortages.

Yes, being overweight is a matter of choice, but many people may not even be aware that they’re making a bad choice.  It’s not like nutrition and exercise are something that’s taught in our schools.  Actually, most of what we know about nutrition comes from advertisements and TV where we learn that sugary breakfast cereals are great and bigger hamburgers are even better!

We don’t have to accept obesity.  We don’t have to tell someone who’s massively overweight that they’re just fine.  The fact is that they’re not and they know it.  However, to go as far as hatred and disgust, that’s a bit much.  Even worse, hatred and disgust won’t solve the problem.  They just drive overweight people away.   If you have a friend or family member who’s overweight, telling them you find them disgusting is certainly not going to be helpful.  Perhaps an offer to help would be better.  Maybe sharing your own experiences and struggles would work.  And yes, being overweight is not an excuse to be rude or inconsiderate towards other people.  It is your choice and your responsibility.  Don’t expect others to always accept sharing that burden.  It’s their choice to help or not help.

Everyone makes bad decisions sooner or later.  We can either hate them for it or be willing to help.  It’s not too hard to see which one of those options is more productive.

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Aug

15

7 mistakes to avoid while trying to get healthy. #7, Trying to do it alone.

Filed Under Communication | Leave a Comment

Thisentryis part 8 of 8 in the series SERIES - 7 things to avoid when trying to get healthy

We’ve been going over a variety of mistakes people tend to make when they first start getting serious about their health and fitness.  Today’s post is the last in this series and will cover how and why you should communicate your goals to the people around you.  If you’ve read all the articles in this series you’ll note that I have personal experience with many of these.  You may even conclude that I made a lot of mistakes on the path to good health, and you’d be right.  This is exactly the reason I started writing 60 in 3, because I wanted to share these experiences so others can learn from them.  If you have your own experiences to share, please let me know.  You can add them in the comments section of any of these posts or contact me directly.  You may think your mistakes are silly or embarrassing, but they contain valuable lessons that the rest of us can learn from.  Together, we have an amazing pool of information that we can all benefit from.   And now, on to today’s topic.

Going at it alone is more common among men but also widespread among women.  It doesn’t specifically refer to getting a “diet buddy” or “workout partner”.  Instead, the more common mistake is a simple lack of communication.  When we first think about improving our health, we don’t tell others what we’re doing or why, and this ends up hurting us.

Common problems

How many times have you told yourself, “today, I’m going to eat healthy!” only to hear a friend or coworker ask you to lunch at your favorite fried foods buffet?  How many times have you told yourself you will avoid high calorie snacks only to visit your mom’s house and see that she’s made your favorite chocolate cake?  How often do you make a date with the gym only to hear you friends asking you to go out?  All of these are common issues that could be solved with better communication.

Let’s face it, our lives are heavily influenced by the people around us.  Our friends, our families and our loved ones have a huge role in deciding how our lives will be run on a day to day basis.  From a health perspective, our social circle has a tremendous amount of influence on our eating habits and physical activity.  So how can we expect to change our ways when the people who influence our decisions are not aware of what we’re trying to do?  How can we expect to eat healthy when the people who help us decide what to eat don’t know what our goals are?  How can we expect to live a more physically active life when the people we spend most of our time with still think we’re interested in watching TV all day?  If we ask ourselves these questions, it becomes clear that we should communicate better if we hope to make permanent changes to our lives.

Common failures

Unfortunately, while it may seem clear now, it’s not clear to most people.  There is a certain level of shame in admitting you’re bad at something.  It’s not easy to tell our friends and our family “I’m too fat and out of shape.”  We’re admitting to them that we’ve failed at something as basic as keeping healthy.  We’re also afraid of insulting them, especially if they’re out of shape too.  There could be family issues.  For example, will your parents be upset or feel as though you’re blaming them?  Will your spouse feel guilty over the meals they’ve chosen?  There are dozens of reasons not to communicate, but most of them come down to fear.  We’re afraid of being misunderstood, we’re afraid of offending and we’re afraid of embarrassment.   That’s all understandable, but it doesn’t change the fact that communication is a must if you hope to get healthy.

What to communicate

The first thing you need to communicate is the why.  Why are you doing this?  Why are you trying to change your life?  For most of us, that will be easy to communicate.  Health is a relatively clear topic these days.  People know that being out of shape and overweight is bad for you and they’ll understand why you’re trying to get back in shape.  In fact, you’ll frequently hear “I’m glad you’re finally doing this.  I’ve wanted to tell you something but I was afraid you’ll be offended.”

Next you’ll want to explain the what.  What is it that you plan on doing?  Are you going to work out more?  Are you going to eat better?  Make sure people understand what your plan is and how you hope to implement it.  Again, this is relatively clear to most people.  We know that health means eating better and exercising more, but make sure people understand the specifics.  Are you going to be going to the gym?  Will you be jogging?  Are you going vegetarian?  These little details will help them understand what you’re going to be doing.  You may even hear some feedback and suggestions.

Finally, you’ll want to explain to them how they can help.  How should they behave around you?  It sounds a bit silly but you’ll be surprised how useful this part of the conversation is.  Can they still have lunch with you?  Can they still invite you over for a movie?  Can they still have you over for dinner?  Do they need to cook something special for you?  People have the oddest misconceptions sometimes and it’s good to talk about them ahead of time.  By the way, this doesn’t need to be a long conversation where you hand people a list of how to behave around you.  It can be something as simple as “for the most part, I’m still the same me.  We can go to the same restaurants and I’ll just order something a bit healthier than before.  I’m just going to be busy from 6 to 7pm every night because that’s my workout time.”

No preaching

The one thing to watch out for is what I call preachiness.  So you’ve decided to get healthy, that’s great.  Your friends and family are not going to appreciate you preaching to them about how you’ve seen the light and now they need to follow your example.  If you want them to be healthy then lead by example.  Do your thing, improve your health and show your friends that it can be easy and fun.  Answer their questions but never tell them their way of life is wrong.  That’s a mistake I used to make and try to avoid these days.  The only thing such an attitude creates is broken friendships and strained family relationships.

Summary

The people around you shape your behavior, and in doing so, they shape your health.  Get them involved by communicating and you will turn a potential problem in a significant resource.  Remember, they want you to succeed, all you need to do is tell them how they can help.

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