First time at the gym, how not to make an ass of yourself

Crabby of Cranky Fitness has a really interesting post up today. It’s basically a list of things not to do at the gym. I thought it would be a great lead in to the rest of this week’s articles, since I’m going to be laying out a basic workout day by day. Tuesday is going to be back and abs, Wednesday will be biceps and triceps, Thursday will be legs and Friday will be chest and shoulders. Each day I’ll lay out the exercises you should do as well as recommended cardio. However, I thought we could start out by looking at Crabby’s list of things not to do. I have to say that I don’t completely agree with all of these so let’s take them one at a time and see what we can learn.

1. Don’t skip the New Member Orientation. These are almost always offered free of charge. This is a great chance to avoid doing something stupid later, especially since some clubs have their own Weird Special Rules or Peculiarities that are far from intuitive. Plus you need to find out what the deal is with towels and day use lockers and parking and such.

And when you do get Oriented, don’t be shy about asking tons of questions! Because when you’re done with your tour, there’s a good chance that your guide is going to have to go back to handing out towels (non-profits) or trying to extract membership sign-up fees from reluctant future patrons (Big Chains). Give this poor person the chance to feel Smart and Helpful!

Absolutely, always take advantage of these free orientation sessions and ask a lot of questions. Just keep in mind that the person giving the session may have some incentive to sell you extra stuff you don’t need. So listen for the facts but avoid buying anything.

2. Don’t show up ten minutes late for a class you’ve never been to before, get in everyone’s way, and demand that the instructor explain everything over again just for you. Some new gym-goers seem to be under the impression that class “schedules” are just suggestions. Not true! In fact, if you’re new, show up extra early and tell the instructor it’s your first time. They like you to do this so they can make sure they don’t accidentally kill you.

100% agreed. Be courteous to other people, especially when it comes to arriving on time. If you do arrive late, quietly join the class and see if you can catch up on your own. Don’t interrupt everyone just because you missed the first few minutes.

3. When using unfamiliar equipment that won’t seem to budge, don’t force or yank things around until you break them. Ask for help. However, this generally means Find an Employee. Don’t interrupt other exercisers in the middle of their attempts to bench press huge amounts of weight demanding they assist you. As it happens, most gym rats are actually quite helpful. You can usually just look a little confused and scratch your head and this behavior will often prompt one of them to wander over and inquire as to whether you need any help. But if they don’t offer, go find someone who works there.

Also, don’t mistake a friendly smile and hello as an invitation to relate your entire exercise history or lack of same. Go ahead and smile and be pleasant–if you’re going to be a regular, you may actually meet nice people and become friends. But don’t rush it and don’t be a motor-mouth. Some people are not looking for pals; they just want to get through their exercise routines and scoot out as fast as possible.

Not quite sure I agree with this one. I’m a firm believer in asking for help and I’ve found that people in the gym loves to share their hard won knowledge. If you’re having a problem with something, don’t just look lost and hope someone helps you, ask the person next to you for help. Now Crabby does have a point in that you shouldn’t interrupt in the middle of their exercise, but once they put down that weight, feel free to walk up and ask your question.

By the way, Crabby is right on the money with her second point. Again, be considerate of people’s time. If they help you, that’s great, but be concise and to the point and don’t waste their time with stories of your childhood gym class or how much weight you used to lift ten years ago.

4. Don’t use the fact that you’ll be showering afterwards as an excuse to show up smelling totally nasty and funky. Fresh sweat doesn’t really smell–but old body odor and overripe gym clothes are supremely nauseating to be around.

True, but also remember the opposite point. You’re here to workout, so don’t spend too much time or money on your appearance. I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen people spend hundreds of dollars on gym gear and then be afraid to get it a little sweaty, and let’s not even talk about the women who spend 20 minutes working on their makeup before starting to workout! Wear clean clothing, smell clean and look clean. Save the rest of your fashion sense for after the gym.

5. Don’t drop heavy weights from great heights or slam things around or make exaggerated grunting or screeching noises. (Natural grunting and sighing and groaning is fine). Don’t sing or hum either. Sometimes people who have headphones on do this blissfully unaware of how much it makes others want to toss barbells at their heads.

Ahh yes, if women are the common suspect of number 5, then men are the problem with number 6, usually. Guys, there’s no need to grunt like a gorilla giving birth just because you’re lifting weights. Really, we know you’re lifting weights. We can see that you’re straining. Grunting doesn’t impress anyone. Neither does dropping the weights. Yes, we saw that you lifted them, we don’t need to hear you dropping them. Be considerate of others and keep the volume down please.

6. Don’t neglect to wipe up sweat after you use the cardio or weight equipment. Local sweat-wiping rituals vary from gym to gym and are not always obvious. You should observe what others are doing–there may be little spray bottles and paper towels off to the side or there may not; you may need to carry a hand towel around with you from station to station.

And even if you’re not sweaty or dirty or diseased, at many gyms there are resident Hygiene Queens (of either gender) who will stare icy daggers at you if you don’t make vigorous wiping gestures with a paper towel after you are done. This also varies greatly. At other gyms, no one gives a crap.

Again, there are two sides to every story. Yes, do clean up after yourself, but do remember that sweating is a natural function, especially when active. Some of us sweat more than others. Some of us, like me, sweat a lot more than others. We’re going to wipe the machine down after we’re done, but if you actually interrupt my workout to ask me if I’m going to wipe it down because you want to use it after me, I’m just going to ignore you. Also, if you’re going to ask me if you can work in (use the machine I’m using in between my sets), I might get up and forget to wipe down. That’s me being polite and trying to get out of your way, it’s not me trying to be rude and leave a dirty machine. Sorry if I forgot to wipe it down, I don’t usually do that between sets, just when I’m done.

7. Don’t hog the weight machines by doing multiple sets if someone else is waiting for it. Offer to let them “work in.” (Sometimes the worst offenders on this are the native gym rats who will try to monopolize one piece of equipment the whole goddamned morning, but that’s a whole different subject).

Yep, totally agreed. The only note on this one is to use a bit of common sense. If there’s a guy benching 300lbs and you’re going to bench 50lbs, then you may wish to work on something else until he finishes. Changing that much weight between sets will waste both your time. However, that’s relatively rare. For the most part, the “work in” method is great. In four years of going to gyms I have had exactly one person get a little annoyed when I asked to work in. Everyone else was very friendly about it.

8. Don’t jump on cardio equipment without knowing the rules. Often this equipment is popular. There may be sign-up boards of some sort, usually located somewhere inconspicuous so as to embarrass first-time visitors who don’t know they exist. If a machine seems to be empty and you hop on without scouting this out first, you may get a rude tap on the shoulder and a curt request to remove yourself. You should also check to see if there’s a time limit when machines are all in use–often there is.

And don’t spend 10 minutes after your cardio workout stretching on the machine. Stretching can be done anywhere and there are people waiting to use that machine. That also applies to spending 10 minutes fiddling with that TV screen in front of the treadmill.

9. Don’t forget where you put your towel, either in showers or up with the equipment, so that you end up grabbing someone else’s by mistake. They all look the same. If someone emerges dripping from shower just as you grab theirs from the most convenient hook nearby, you’re not going to be popular.

And do NOT walk dripping wet from the shower to the locker room. Other people have to use this floor too you know. Water makes it slippery and also encourages mold. Towel off in the shower area!

10. Don’t forget to pack the toiletries and other items you will need post-shower; asking to borrow other people’s stuff is generally frowned upon. (Unless it’s someone you’re already friends with.) Commonly forgotten items: deodorant, sunscreen, hair product and clean underwear. And there’s just no way anyone’s gonna help you with that last one.

Crabby, you wouldn’t lend me a clean pair of underwear? I’m hurt! Otherwise, this item is right on the money.

Things You May Fear Will Make You Look Like an Ass, But Won’t!

1. Being fat, old, or a complete novice. Many people fear gyms for these reasons, anticipating that they will be judged or looked down upon.

But here’s a big secret: you get Extra Credit for being old, fat, or new! It’s true–when buffed regulars see a shy, slightly bewildered, fat or old person come to their gym for the first time, they generally feel all warm and fuzzy about it. They think it’s great that you’re there and they admire your bravery. Of course they may try to show off a bit, and they may fantasize that you are impressed with their buffness or their ability to lift heavy things. But they genuinely don’t think badly of you–they think goodly of you, because they know how hard it was for you to get here. And then, after a moment or two of warm fuzzies, they forget about you entirely because they have Miles to Run or Heavy Things To Lift.

Absolutely. Crabby nailed this one perfectly. The people in the gym aren’t judging you. They’re not thinking to themselves “HAH! Look at that fat ass!” They’re thinking “wow, I remember when I first started out. That’s great seeing someone else doing it. Maybe I could help them out!” When you show up at the gym you’ve already joined this secret club of “People who like working out”. You’re in. You’re a member. You know the secret handshake. Now relax, everyone there understands you a lot more than you realize.

2. Locker Room Issues. You don’t have to fear the locker room!

Locker rooms may seem scary because nakedness is involved. But the secret here is not just that people don’t care what you look like naked. They really don’t. But you’ve probably heard that already and it doesn’t help. The real secret is that they also don’t care if you’re too shy to be naked! It’s a very common aversion, especially in female newcomers. (Is it the same in Men’s Locker Rooms? Cranky Fitness is in the dark on this point as it does not have a male correspondent.) So if you’re modest, don’t worry about it–go ahead and bring a little robe or a big beach towel or whatever it takes for you to feel comfortable getting from the locker to the shower, even if others seem quite comfortable parading around in the all-together. Many gyms have private showers as well as public ones, and if you’re fearful, try to find one of these. You may find, as you get more used to being there, that you actually don’t give a crap if a bunch of other naked people see you naked. Or not. Either way, don’t let it scare you away from the gym you might otherwise be quite blissfully happy in.

Men have the same issue in the locker room Crabby, we just try to pretend we don’t because we’re manly men and manly men are not supposed to care about what they look like naked. However, it’s very easy to spot most newcomers to the men’s locker room, they’re the one wearing shorts and a towel as they quickly walk from locker to shower and back again. The only advice I have for you is that no one judges you in the shower, but if you’re shy then you might want to avoid the showers or the locker room in general. You should feel comfortable working out, and if the locker room makes you uncomfortable, then maybe that’s something you should keep out of, at least when you’re starting out.

By the way, for the first year of my gym membership I was unable to actually use the locker room. Too self conscious. Then I had a three months period during which the locker room at the gym was my only shower because my house was being remodeled. That cured me of locker phobia real quick.

Here’s Crabby’s full post by the way and a link to her blog.